My son

 The most rewarding thing in life is love. We cannot hold on to love because it is not tangible. love is trust or an infatatuation, a connection or can be unconditional bond. My unconditional bond is my son. His love is undeniably strong. He is my happines ( literally it truely exist- i smile when i see him. I cannot have enough kisses for his cheeks and I am afraid that one day he is too old for kisses and hugs. 

My son has pink lips and chubby cheeks. He talks about everything. Asks too many questions and helps me In so many ways. in the car he will asked me questions. i said why di you asked too many question? He said “you are sleepy so i give you questions”. 

His ambition changes as he grew older. It started by wanti g to be a vet, a doctor, a surgeon and recently a general. So many choices and variety☺️

my so is growing fast and i bet soon he will be taller then me. I love my son. Hands down

The wedding planner
When you have an image of a wedding in your mind for a grand wedding but what do you do? hmmmm. I suggest you calculate your budget and then grow up. At the end a wedding  is still a wedding  even without the hotel reception, the crazy beautiful dress, the expensive makeup, the presents from Mangkuk emas. My sister must have played the video in her mind of how her perfect wedding is to be. So she cried when she was told to get married but she herslef  have no money. No budget whatsoever! I came to the rescue. you know knowing me being altrustic and all. I put my self as the financial collector. It will be a wedding where her sibling have to contribute. So I set a target to collect money from 11 sibling. It was not a joyride. Soon I found out there were excapees- siblings who didn’t want to contribute. There are people who said they will contribute but decided to make her own contribution and then refuse to give any money to collect. The amout of struggle I had to protect the money to be use recklessly by my mother and eldest- so they could repair the house, the bride’s room, the house’s gate and the lights and fixtures. Man! what a job to do. I eventually regret it. Then came the greatest complication of all paying the deposit to the hotel. which was - no deposit- you have to pay in advance- OMG and it was more then the money I collected for her. She started to panic and pressured me to think about it. She asked a few of my siblings but nobody siad yes to help with the 6k number. In the end I took out my saving to save her situation. The idea is she will have to give the money after she got the 4k from the husband to be. Belanja hangus money. This money is till not enough to cover the cost. So we talked about the money to be collected from ‘sedekah orang’ . so the wait for my money to return was unsure. The bride said she needs money for all sorts if things. This cause her to take the allocated money from belanja hangus to pay for the stuffs. In the end the money collected and the money from belanja hangus was enough to pay for the hotel. It was a miracle. But people weren’t happy for all of this. They expect the wedding to give them more money.  Especially my mum. and the bride. they doubt that I was telling the truth. I said why would I lie. I said I regret doing this.

Moral of the story is that
 1) never lend your money to your sibling. They might thought its their money!
2) Never agree to be the wedding planner without any pay- you suffer from the wreaths of the bride without being paid
3) Never agree to let the wedding go over the budget. which was 0 to begin with.
4) Never ever collect money from your sibling- even if you love them

money is a sensitive issue. Even more sensitive than alloyingly sensitive bride. Who cries at every possible turn. Who blames others for not giving her attention.

she went to her honeymoon today. being a sister that I an i gave each bride and groom a Hundered. That would the last money I will give her.

phew- never be a wedding plannner

Hantaran Berian (giving gifts)

Checklist

Compulsory (items being asked by the bride to be)

Mas Kahwin (Dowry)
-amount vary between 100, 200, 300, 500, 600, 1000 BND. Usually a girl with a nice Degree will be between 300 to 600BND.

Tanda Kasih
-A ring (Gold or white gold). Some couple will find a ring that suit to the girls heart.

Duit Pembuka Mulut
- 100 a small money like a gift just for being able to ask the hand in marraige.

belanja hangus
- a budget to be given to the bride to use in her preparation to her wedding

kain Jongsarat
- traditional piece of cloth 2 meter in length and 1 meter in height. Usually use by men for Sinjang- in malay traditional clothes- princes range from 250-1000 bnd depending on the quality and budget

if the bride and the groom had not engage yet

1 engagement ring and 100 bnd for the engagement gift

—————————————————-

the other usual gift

1 set of shoes
1 fancy handbag
1 set of towels
perfume
1 set of Telkung
2 baju kurung/ kain baju kurung ( 2 malay dress/2 set material to make them.)
tudungs
a watch
sirih junjung (deocrated betel leaves with flowers)
toiletteries

basically you can get creative and just give her anything

unusual stuff I have seen people give
a laptop
a phone
chocolates
cake

then you decorate these things like you would present the gifts to king

Wedding in Brunei: Unknown Tarik Gaji

In Brunei we have a fun system we do with friends to encourage saving. We called it Tarik Gaji. It literally means pull salary. So like in a group of 12 friends every month we will give 100 to the organiser. and the organiser will give the 100 to the person who book the money in a certain month. so say
minah january
Pipah Febuary
Tinah March...

it is the same as Brunei wedding . We give the bride and groom money for their occasion- some in a hope that they will help you when your child got married. This is the Bride and groom time to get married-once they are married it is their turn to give back. It is like tarik gaji.

I like to say it is Sedakah- anyway I have only one son. I intend to keep it simple- and don't hope people to give us money- OOPs im already planning for my son :)

GRE

Graduate record Exam

I applied to Fulbright back in march and had an interview and in July I was called up for an interview.  They said I am selected as an alternate candidate. I wasn't disappointed but I wasn't estatic either. Part of being a fulbright alternate candidate is to do a GRE exam to qualify me to get into an American university.

The exam was a 3 hours + occasion. first was the essay. I was given 4 lined pages and 30 minutes to do. Then another essay for another 30 minutes. Then  reading. close passage style and comprehension question. The vocabulary given was difficult for me. I realised reading year 7 and 8 compositions everyday made me useless in vocabulary challenges. I worried I would suffer in the exam but I persevere. Not wanting to give up, I continued to answer and at times made a big guess. Then  lastly is the maths part. 2 maths part to be precise. I am so glad I asked my husband to teach me maths because I am useless at it.

Finally exam finishes. I suddenly felt hungry tahap maxima. I ate like I have never eaten before.

would I do it again? Only if I have to.

Reality: What marriage is all about in Brunei.

What Marriage is all about in Brunei

1. To fill up loneliness
2. To find a best friend
3. To extend your family
4. To get babies
5. To find love and happiness
6. To shut up the annoying aunties that kept on asking when are you getting Married.
7. To finally moving to adult life.
8. To Share your life.
9. To forever gain another brain (your other half, basically for me men and women do not think a like and you need the second point of view)
10. To have someone to look after you when you are sick
11. To forever have an imam.

How much money to save before you get married in Brunei.

The Basic Calculation to a simple wedding

Nikah -usually invites 300 people minimum.
catering 4.50BND X300 people = 1,350


Sanding-usually invites 500-700 people

catering 5.5 per person (this includes rice, meat dishes, vegetable, beverages and fruits)
so if 5.5BNDx 500people invited=2,750 BND.

of catering 6.50X 500people Invited =3,250 BND.

hotels catering 18BNDX 500 people invited =9,000

door gifts ranges 1dollar cups to 3 dollar stuffs.
if 1BNDx 500 people=500BND
if 3 BNDx 500 people=1500 BND.

package for rent could vary from 1500-3000

it should include
baju sanding+ jewellery
pelamin
lapis nikah + kedudukan dian 4 +dian kuning.
baju bebadak +set headgear for berbadak


to be safe roughly it takes you 25,000 to get married.
as you need to fix up your room as well (for some people)

usually invitees will give the bride and groom money (pemberi orang kawin) to use for their wedding occasion. a friend could give the bride/groom 20-30 BND.

so if 500 people can give 'pemberi orang' gifts/money and half of that is 250 people (approximately will give) (as they might be married couple who attened )
250 peopleX 20BND = 5,000BND.

relative could give 50-100BND depends on their generosity.

catering required 50% upfront.